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How often do people blog? Once a day? Once a week? I haven't quite figured this out yet. I feel the need to incessantly write down everything I feel all the time. The notes app on my phone is full of things I didn't have a place to put. Short stories, poems, controversy ramblings. A blog seems to be relatively the best place to put all of these things. It's an internal struggle, however. I find that many of these things are very personal. I dedicate much of my time to not being sappy or deep (like, annoying hipster deep). I like to be thought of as realistic and level-headed. One of my best friends Sara is probably the only person who has seen all of my writing, not because I think it's bad, but rather she has shown me great vunerability within our friendship and through that has earned my trust and respect to show the same to her. 

Because of this, I constantly want to give myself challeges. I'm flaky by nature. Commitment to things stress me out. However, once I have committed I become feircely loyal. So I plan on over-doing it here. My challenge is to post constantly, filling this blog with the widest variety of content. To end this post, I'll leave you all with some of my writings found deep within my notes. 

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I have this mantra I live by. It's not deep, it's not religious or complex. It is simple and the one fact I am absolutely certain of on this earth. I will die alone. Now I may be married 50 years and struck down by lightning while holding my spouses hand, but when that happens, I will be alone. Once I get beyond my fear of death, I realize that if I am not living for myself, to find happiness, I will be my own demise. I will be haunted by regrets of both decisions I made and did not. I understand how incredibly selfish this sounds, however this is the only part of this mantra that layers into complexity. If I do not practice kindness, compassion and caring for others I will be haunted by my moral compass. I will have stripped away my very humanity. Very often I find the best ways I am living for myself is when I am living for others. It is a balance. I refuse to be walked all over, yet I refuse to  push others aside for wanton desire. The decisions I make I make for myself, but not necessarily to benefit me.

I will die alone. This is the one fact I am certain of. 

I will die alone, but I will not let that stop me from living. 




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